


every day that you are mine

by nana_clown (MimiMoons)



Series: an ode to you. (nomin) [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Everyone here is soft, He's there for like two minutes lol, Husbands, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It's not specific at all, Jisung is nomin's kid, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Park Jisung (NCT), Soft Lee Jeno, Soft Na Jaemin, Tbh this could still kind of be considered canon??, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and by everyone i mean them, and i mean super light, because we Gay!, i wrote this in like five minutes, it's honestly all just fluff and word vomit, kid jisung, not proof read like at all so there might be minor mistakes idk, over usage of italics ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 08:42:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18362546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MimiMoons/pseuds/nana_clown
Summary: And in all the years they've been together, Jeno's words have gotten better.(Or really, it's just a compilation of all the things Jeno thinks when he sees different sides of Na Jaemin.)





	every day that you are mine

**Author's Note:**

> okay so first of all: 
> 
> -there's no timeline, there really isn't. everything is out of order like my life :D don't stress too hard about anything that feels like it comes before or after! i promise its not important
> 
> -this is my first work in the nct fandom???? so im terrified???? i wrote some stuff for bts but honestly there wasn't a lot to go off of with feedback so idk what to expect. nctzens are nice af (i've been in the fandom for at least a little bit) but posting anxiety man, it sucks.
> 
> -if you've got suggestions (cause im stumped since im new) for other nomin stories (or luwoo/dojae/markhyuck, though i think nomin would be the easiest) please please please let me know!!! i could use all the prompts in the world, seriously <3
> 
> -lastly thanks for reading this long ass author's note if you did! please leave feedback cause it makes my day and my world a little brighter, love you all!

  If there's one thing Jeno knows he's never been good at, it's words. Sometimes it's in struggling to say a simple "I love you" while he's walking out the door; sometimes it's in complicating things further by not saying what he really means. Sometimes words fail Lee Jeno, but most of the time Jeno finds he's the one failing the words.

 But despite this, he's found a certain poetic calling in loving Na Jaemin.

 It was unexpected, when they first met, that later on down the line the same man who stuttered out answers to simple questions would be writing love songs and ghosts of sonnets for someone else. The intentions behind them bubbling over and being twisted into ink on a page was unplanned, raw and vulnerable and quite jagged at the edges. They were all 'rough draft' kinds of words, truthfully. Unpolished and brimming with untapped potential to be great love stories, wonderous speeches told before millions and bearing the heart and soul of one. The love he held was so great that it made that kind of difference, turned a man who considered words foreign into an author. Jeno thinks that's all just the power of loving someone like Jaemin.

 So in a box, somewhere behind his songs that he's written (most of which are for Jaemin) and his first rough drafts of musical ideas, Jeno's stored a pile of scratch paper with hurried writing. All of which talk about the intricacies of studying, living with and loving Na Jaemin. All-encompassing of Jeno's emotions and yet never enough to do so. Like the lifetime they were given- a promise of their short forever.

 

 The collection, in no particular order, starts with a lined yellow page. There's a coffee stain on one corner and a piece of it missing- torn off in a hurry where Jeno had written Jaemin's Starbucks order long before he committed it to memory. The first lines are something like this:

 

 

  _His laughter is made up of bubbles._

Looking at it now, it was the perfect description for them. Whenever he laughed it was a sequence of high or low pitched (almost never in between) short bursts. It was a millenia's worth of pure joy caught within the span of seconds- of few obscure precious sounds- and kept in a small airy capsule. It reminded Jeno of the fireflies he would spend hours trying to capture into mason jars when they were children, only to let them escape after a few minutes when Jaemin would protest too loudly.

 _"Their light is precious. If we keep them no one else will get to see them, that'd be too selfish!"_ He used to yell, bright eyes full of a certain childish determination- like justice was characterized by being considerate of even the littlest insects.

But Jeno was never that considerate, and although the younger version of himself would've caved immediately, the Jeno of the present is surprisingly stubborn. He wants to keep that little light to himself, those precious moments of joy emitting from Jaemin's mouth gracing his own ears only.

But just like bubbles that float freely, Jaemin's laughter is simply something he's learned can't be contained.

 

 

  The second page is brown, probably cardstock or some sort of all-natural paper. Jeno had stolen it from his physics teacher when he ran out of his own, it was meant for notes but things took a turn and in the midst of daydreaming a young Jeno had come to an awe-inspiring conclusion.

 

 

_His smile is like the sun._

It's somewhat of a generic comparison, Jeno knows. Warmth and familiarity can be applied to all aspects of Na Jaemin, because he is just the living embodiment of such things.

What makes his smile so special though- enough for Jeno to characterize it the way he does- is that it's meant to heal and help grow.

Like the sunshine on a desperate flower, his smile envelopes even the most obscure of onlookers in comfort and reassurance. No amount of bad days or stormy clouds upon the horizon could deter such a bright expression, nothing could dull the light he resonates with a simple look. His smile gives life in a way that perfectly reminds Jeno of the the morning sun peeking in through their bedroom curtains; looking upon the world in a fond way that's somewhat akin to a mother's love. Watching Jaemin's lips upturn into a smile is like watching the sunrise in real time- equally as beautiful and mesmerizing too.

Jaemin is a healing source for everyone he's ever met. He's the pleasant shock of heat amidst the cold, both an embrace meant to calm and a kiss upon the skin meant to provoke. Jeno is sure he stares at Jaemin like he's got the entire solar system right above his head when he smiles at him.

 _He must_ , Jeno thinks, _because everything in the world seems to begin and end with Jaemin's smile- just like the sun_.

 

 

  The third paper is the neatest, lacking stray pencil marks and stains or ripped edges like the first two. It's just plain white printer paper. Calculated like the words written on top of it.

 

 

  _Depending on the context, an angry Na Jaemin is similar to both an ocean and a desert._

That comparison took him almost two years into their relationship (not including their five years of friendship prior to said relationship) to make. Even then, it's still iffy at times. Like Jeno said, it depends on the context.

Even when he's angry, Jaemin is still rather calm and collected. He's void of a certain gentleness of course, as most people are when they're angry- but it's leagues apart from another person's anger. It's something more tailored to Jaemin, one of his many idiosyncrasies Jeno took the time to study.

Thus the conclusion of two different comparisons: the behavior he adopts while in a bitter mood creates the ocean that is Na Jaemin and the desert under the same moniker.

His oceanic anger is meant to drown. Be it in what, Jeno has to be the subject of said anger to understand. Sometimes he aims to drown them in guilt for making him angry, sometimes it's in an overcompensational emotion to cover for the fact that he's angry about something he feels he shouldn't be.

Like when he's all careful and calcuated smiles after seeing someone being particularly friendly with Jeno; trying to express his overwhelming love to smite the jealousy lying underneath it. It's time like those when Jeno has to remind him to be honest, to breathe and just walk through the moment because _it's normal to feel that way, Nana._ Jaemin, in all his kind touches and gentle smiles, still has a hard time gauging his own worth or position in most situations. Jeno has learned to blame in on the fact that his other half is a human angel.

The desert-like anger is the complete opposite of that carefulness though. It's a reclusive anger that's more significant and intricate. There's a certain fragility to him when he's in that kind of mood that makes him withdraw into himself. A certain glint in his eyes and an unspoken amount of darkness filling the silence like a heavy void. It's scarier then, when he's making no attempt to engage in his emotions but instead shuts them away. That Na Jaemin is usually good at being unpredictable or reckless, meaning more stress for the people around him who are already walking on eggshells as is.

It's dry and scorching, like the desert. It leaves people out in a confusingly endless and barren landscape, left to their own delirum and assumptive mirages. The anger lying beneath that kind of context is usually uglier and more connected to his personal demons than he'd probably ever like to admit. It's taken Jeno almost half (near three quarters, if he's honest) of their time together to understand how to navigate through that particular side of Jaemin.

But through all the oceans he's drifted on, and all the deserts he's aimlessly walked through, he still manages to find his home on the other side without fail.

Always right back into a smiling Jaemin's arms.

 

 

  The fourth page is the one in the worst condition. It's curled at all edges and ripped in the middle, packaging tape on the back to keep it together. The writing is smudged a little, blotches of discoloration from tears and tea stains that never fully dried correctly. Jeno remembers learning to make tea that one Summer Jaemin had fallen into a slump; it's what had lead them to their confessions.

(The thing that had been bothering Jaemin was insecurity over what they actually were, what label they even carried. To be fair, Jeno was confused and young and his first thoughts when writing about Jaemin weren't exactly how much of a big gay crush he had on his best friend.)

 

 

  _A sad Jaemin is not at all like any of the others._

While most of his characteristics Jeno can pinpoint without a second thought, a sad Na Jaemin is unlike anything in the world.

He supposes if he absolutely had to compare it to something, it'd be a black hole.

All-consuming, intimidating, and without an end in sight. Just a pure void that aims to wreck everything it comes in contact with, a fearsome shadow of something far larger and more dangerous than it lets on. God only knows what happens to things that go through that black hole, what becomes of them on the other side.

Being with a sad Na Jaemin is a lot like coming into contact with and traveling through a black hole, just as terrifying in Jeno's eyes.

The thing that makes it so terrifying is the fact that Jaemin is almost never sad, it takes at least months of something repetitive and toxic to make him really crack in such a way. Sometimes Jaemin will be upset for no reason, which makes it even worse. His sadness is oftentimes without rhyme or reason, and is a deeply settled emotion caused by a uncertain amount of time spent bottling it up. The catalyst could be him not executing a certain dance move as perfect as he'd like to (because even if he tries to deny it, Na Jaemin is a closeted perfectionist) and the next thing Jeno knows he's shaking and crying on the bathroom floor, muttering apologies to no one in particular in between horrendous and heart-wrenching sobs. The causes and reactions are endless, which means that even after being together on nearly 7 years of experience (attached at the hip most of the time, mind you) Jeno's still learning how to handle it each time.

It's completely worth it when the storm has cleared though, to reassure his beloved when's he at his most vulnerable. Even in his saddest state Jaemin has never once told Jeno he thought he'd leave him.

(If that's Jeno's proudest accomplishment- even above winning countless awards and being loved by millions- that's no one's business but his own.)

 

 

  The fifth page isn't even a page, it's a napkin from an old diner they used to frequent and spent more time in than they did in their high school classroom. The writing is in faded pen, but Jeno's had the conscience to go over it again and again every couple of years to maintain the poor quality. The note isn't really worth keeping anymore, but at the time his past self really had nothing better to say. The gap between notes was especially long and if that's all he had to remember that point in time, he'd take it.

 

 

_Jaemin's flirty side is simultaneously Jeno's most and least favorite. It's something like eating a bowl full of marshmallows._

Sweet for the first few, followed by an annoying assault to the senses. Too much sugar can quickly make the sweet turn bitter.

Jaemin is a good flirt, a natural-born one in fact. There's no one alive that wouldn't swoon at at least one of his precious one-liners; wouldn't help but think Jaemin truly believes they're the most precious thing in the world. It's a sweet, carefully placed seed that grows into a precious flower. The blooming emotions he leaves in his wake is just a reflection of how flirty Na Jaemin is.

And just like the next few marshmallows, the aftermath is always the worst.

Jaemin doesn't mean it, Jeno knows that better than anyone else, but sometimes it can still get to him. When the waitress slips Jaemin her number, or the cashier guy leans a little too far over the counter, Jeno can't help but wish Jaemin was a little less good at flirting, or maybe even more selective about who he flirts with.

But just because Jaemin walks around with an inviting smile on his face doesn't mean he forgets the ring on his finger, and at the end of the day all of his sweet words are still said with the thought of one Lee Jeno in mind. He learns to live with it, just like how he'll still eat marshmallows even if he promised he'd never touch those sugary devils ever again.

 

(Nowadays, it seems like all of Jaemin's flirty lines are tailored to fit Jeno specifically. Jeno's found he can eat more marshmallows without getting annoyed by the taste too.)

 

 

  The sixth page is an index card Jeno had lying in one of his textbooks beside his bed. He remembers the note well because he wrote it in a hurry while staring at the snoozing Jaemin next to him, covered in lovebites and all. The image was, looking back at it, probably rather lewd- but Jeno found that the expression on his lover's face of complete and utter peace made him feel more warmth in his heart than anything.

 

 

  _An enamored Na Jaemin is- for lack of a better term- insatiable._

There's no real comparison Jeno's found for that one, so he just chooses to label it with the aforementioned word. Insatiable, and more stubborn than Jeno is sometimes.

Like pulling Jeno into corners or closets that anyone can find without a second thought, or pulling him back down into their shared mattress even when he's nearly ten minutes late for a lecture. Like when his eyes are glossy and filled with the stars as he watches Jeno flutter about their home, or when he's in the kitchen but his hands are more so on some part of Jeno's body than they are on the food. Insatiable, constantly chasing after the object of his affection like he doesn't already have it for life.

It's quite the sight, Jaemin hovering over him with the most proud and yet bashful expression he's ever worn. Listening to him whisper and eventually shouting about how much he loves him, sometimes even going as far as taking Jeno out for a night on the town only to tell every single passerby that _I'm going to marry this man, isn't that wonderful?_

But in his defense, Jeno knows he's just as equally enamored with the sparkle that shines in Jaemin's eyes when he says those words. Even more so when they're tangled together with no clear end in sight, just basking in the emotions they share like a bright red line connecting their pinkies.

 

 

  The seventh page is much like the first, the same lined yellow paper but significantly cleaner and in much better condition. Character development, he'd told himself with a smile when he put it in place. The very definition of it, it made the content of the note even more funny to see. It was a full-circle moment, like pieces of his puzzle falling into place for the first time.

 

 

  _Jaemin's friendship is like having a safety jacket._

Before they were anything else, Jeno and Jaemin were best friends. Sleepovers and shared sweatshirts, copied homework and even a designated lunch table, they were connected in all forms and came as a package whenever they met someone new. Looking back on it, everyone must have already seen them as JenoandJaemin, the duo that was most certainly going to marry later on. They'd all probably cackle now, knowing they were 100% right and rub it in their faces just a little bit. Jaemin would laugh as always and Jeno would turn red, knowing perfectly well that that's just how they are.

Their foundation is based off of the fact that they knew each other best as two individuals, because Jeno always knows everything regarding Na Jaemin and Jaemin always knows everything regarding Lee Jeno. Their relationship, their shared existence, was founded on such a friendship anyways. Even when they were younger Jaemin would say absurd things like _I'm a Jeno expert!_ with more pride than anyone ever should have. It always lead to Jeno's embarrassment and the classroom's snickers.

Some things never change, and even as a couple Jeno's still got the ridiculous guarantee of the 'Na Jaemin Friendship Policy' his fiance made up in 7th grade. The "policies" are, from memory, (since the scratch paper they wrote it on is in a box somewhere near their Christmas decorations in the attic) something along the lines of:

- _Na Jaemin will always share food with you (Breakfast, lunch, dinner and even snacks!)_

_-Na Jaemin will give you all the physical affection you want (kisses, hugs, etc. Name it and you've got it)_

_-Na Jaemin will always inquire about your day, your feelings and your thoughts. No exceptions can be made to this rule, Jeno! Best friends tell each other everything!_

 

and of course the one Jeno still holds him to:

- _Na Jaemin will, under no circumstances, ever ever leave you_

 

But "best friend" Jaemin is great at keeping promises, so Jeno's not worried about "fiance and husband" Jaemin being able to do the same.

 

 

  The final note is one Jeno's writing right now, about all the notes coming before and after it. This note is a lot more important, this page's words are a lot more significant.

Because this note will be more than just words jotted down onto a paper, this page of words will finally make it to Jaemin unlike all the other ones. These vows, of love and loyalty and everything in between, will show Jeno's true colors for the first time.

And after all is said and done, it'll go right next to the others, neatly placed like it was always meant to be there. The ink scrawled onto it will be ever-admiring, smitten with everything that is Na Jaemin- just like all the others.

 

 

  (It's all worth it, when Jaemin is cleaning out their attic to look for some of his old childhood toys a few years later. The pages shine like a light as he grabs and reads them, one by one. His delicate smile grows larger with each passing word as he hears the giggles coming from downstairs. His husband and his child, just laughing and loving like they always have. If Jaemin grabs a paper of his own and writes a few words on it, and if those words make Jeno cry and their little Jisung tilt his head in confusion at his father's tears, nobody needs to know.)

  
_((Loving Lee Jeno is just like living and breathing- it's something I'll always do until the very end with a smile on my face._

_And most of all it's something I will always, always be grateful for, every day that I get to do it. Every day that you are mine.))_

**Author's Note:**

> (tbh it got a little hurried at the end there since i was falling asleep :c sorry for that ! i hope it didn't mess with the story too much. also like i mentioned before i didn't proof-read because i hate reading my own writing for some reason, so if there's spelling or pacing mistakes im sorry for that too)
> 
> tumblr: petitchim
> 
> come yell at me about nct! or anything else, i just like interaction with y'all :) 
> 
> leave kudos/comments if you've got any! doesn't have to be compliments or future ideas, even a keyboard smash is wonderful lol
> 
> love y'all lots <3


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